Just a quick one

Emma Scrivener seems to be speaking into my life at the moment. So real and clear http://emmascrivener.net/2012/12/breakingbad/
And if you haven't read her book, A New Name, then ask for it for Christmas, seriously.

#synod

I'm not going to write about what I would have voted or why or what I think of the result, though you can probably guess if you know me, but my title is #synod because I've spent the last hour or so reading responses on Twitter and it makes me want to cry at the state of our church. So much bitterness and hate. Where is the care for the conscience of your brothers (eg Romans 14). Where is the respect for people who are trying to submit to what they read in the Bible? Where is any show of unity? Where is any sign of the radical love that we should have for each other, the love that Jesus showed by dying on the cross for all of us...every single one of us, pro or anti women bishops or any other issue other than that of HIS SALVATION?

Anyone else feeling like this?

First month back in London - a few highlights

I've now been in London for about a month, so a quick update.

Centrepoint Houseparty

The weekend before the start of term I went on a great weekend youth camp with St. Nick's church, Sevenoaks. My friend Lucy is from there and they needed more leaders so a few of us from St. Helen's (all Imperialites/ex-Imperialites) went along to help out. It was my first experience of camp (yes, I'm a student age Christian who has never been on camp...weird, I know!) and I loved it. It's great to see the kids really grow over the weekend and gradually come to more of a grasp of what Jesus has done for them, and hearing the simple truths of the gospel presented really grounded me for the beginning of the year too. And there was of course the necessary silliness involving shaving foam and water balloons:

Left to right: Phil, Lucy, me, Tom, Rob
Yes we are all at least 21 years old and making water balloons ended in
wondering what happens if you fill  them with shaving foam...don't judge!
(I haven't uploaded my photos yet so this is borrowed from Andy Solanki...I'll replace it with mine once i find them)

CU does Freshers' Week

The mixed madness and awesomeness that is CU does Freshers' Week was very busy. We spent the end of the week before and the Monday doing more typing and printing than I've ever seen in my life. Tuesday was Freshers' Fair, this is our first opportunity to meet Freshers and show them who the CU is and what we do:

Back row (left to right): Joshua, Ezequiel, Andy, Guy, John, Tom, James
Front row (left to right): Alex Lisa, Chloe, me, Phoebe, Luke

It was a great day, I then added to the week of insanity a little by leaving half an hour early to go to Bristol for Nicole's surprise Birthday party. Got the train at 1630, arrived at 1915ish, rocked up at the house of someone I'd never met (accidentally still in my CU facepaint!) then went over to surprise her. It was pretty awesome :) I got the coach back the next morning, leaving at 5:45 in order to get to creche at church...I never said I was sane OK!
Freshers' week continued with lunchtime talks on Thursday (Who is Jesus?) and Friday (Has Science Buried God?) where we met some Freshers' who'd joined CU and also people who were interested in finding out more about what we're talking about, which was awesome!
We finished the week with 2 events on Friday evening, an International Dinner organised by Phoebe, and a LIve Lounge organised by Chloe. This got a little complicated for a while because we couldn't get into the rooms till later than we'd hoped and because the events overlapped we got silly things muddled like where the paper plates and drinks were. Tom and Ben outdid themselves in running between the two and the storage cupboard, in the rain, and Phoebe and Chloe did so well and we ended up with 2 awesome events.
This week really showed me God's faithfulness and power, a lot the time it felt like we barely knew what we were doing but everything came together.

Everything else:

Since then I've just been trying to get life sorted, setting up times when I have to revise, organising the weekend away and other CU things, but not getting drowned by admin, getting to know my new RML group at St. Helen's, getting to know new students and church and uni, chilling with my housemates and other friends, and lots and lots of baking (look out for my first Have the Cake guest post here coming soon).

Long time no speak real world - a brief(ish) update.

So life kind of caught up with me for a while there, so much mess, literally and figuratively. Summer term of Imperial Chemistry is generally pretty insane, labs, lab reports and exams, then add in crutches for an undiagnosed foot injury and a massive terror over the above mentioned exams because I'd already failed 3 exams this year and it all made for a bit ridiculous.

Turned out that my exam fear was completely correctly placed and I failed those exams too, so my summer holiday was pretty revision filled (see later posts Latitude and A Lancashire Wedding for the best work breaks a girl could ask for).

So I was retaking 6 exams...i.e. every exam based chemistry module of 2nd year, quite a task I hear you say? Well I thought so too, so realising that I pretty much didn't have a hope of passing all of them with a month to revise and 6 exams within 5 days, I prioritised. I focused on the June set of exams, figuring that it would be far nicer to do retakes in January than have to wait till June 2013! And it worked...that never happe9ns to me! I passed exactly half of my retakes, all the ones that I would have had to retake in June 2013. I also give part of the success credit to the wonderful Mr. and Mrs. Ness (see A Lancashire Wedding) staying and looking after me for the week).

So this year's going to be a little different. The way Imperial work retakes is that you take the entire year out, do the exams with the year below you and restart in next October. So I've declared myself year 2.5, am still living in London, staying on CU committee, in Wind Band etc etc...all the student stuff without the labs and lectures, sounds like a good deal to me! Though of course there's some revision thrown in there too!

Plans (time to sort my life out!)

Tomorrow
Phone foot surgeon
Doctor Appointment
Shopping for Latitude
Lunch with Nicole
Start Revision Properly
Start Summer Reading Plan (i.e. plan and start reading possibly plan blogs/write-ups)
Backdate King's Week photos for blog.


I will have at least one productive day before going away on Wednesday!

My prayer today...

On Thursday in CU we were looking at John 17:20-26:

²⁰ “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, ²¹ that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. ²² I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one — ²³ I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved themeven as you have loved me.²⁴ “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.²⁵ “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. ²⁶ I have made you^[a] known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

about 'unity' between Christians. Our relationship is equated to that between God and Jesus, i.e. the closest that ever existed. And one thing it brought home to me is how much I love my CU and church friends, they're like another  family to me and related to that I decided to publish something that I wrote last weekend. I didn't publish it at the time because I've learnt not to make anything written in an emotional state public straight away because I often (usually when angry) I do something I regret. 
                                                                                                                                               


Verse 1 
Before You gave us life and breath 
You numbered all our days 
You set Your gracious love on us 
And chose us to be saved 
This fleeting life is passing by 
With all its joys and pain 
But we believe to live is Christ 
And death is gain 


Chorus 
To live is Christ, to die is gain 
In every age this truth remains 
We will not fear, we’re unashamed 
To live is Christ, to die is gain 


Verse 2 
And though we grieve for those we love 
Who fall asleep in Christ 
We know they’ll see the Savior’s face 
And gaze into His eyes 
So now we grieve, yet we don’t grieve 
As those who have no hope 
For just as Jesus rose again 
He’ll raise His own 


Verse 3 
And now we’re longing for the day 
We’ll see the Lamb once slain 
Who saved a countless multitude 
To glorify His name 
We’re yearning for the wedding feast 
Of Jesus and His bride 
His nail-scarred hands will finally 
Bring us to His side
[http://sovereigngracemusic.bandcamp.com/track/to-live-is-christ]


My prayer today is that one day I will not be the only person in my family able to sing this song. Because "though we grieve for those we love Who fall asleep in Christ" there are so many who I love who aren't in Christ and I don't understand it.


Right now I completely understand Paul's anguish in Romans 9:

"I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit— ² I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. ³ For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, ⁴ the people of Israel. Theirs is the adoption to sonship; theirs the divine glory, the covenants, the receiving of the law, the temple worship and the promises. ⁵ Theirs are the patriarchs, and from them is traced the human ancestry of the Messiah, who is God over all, forever praised!^[a] Amen."

There are times when I find myself literally in tears over the people I love who don't know God. So if you are reading this, I don't judge, and I don't keep trying to tell you because I want to be annoying or superior but because I love you and I love God and nothing would mean more to me than for you to know each other.

Undiagnosed illnesses and crutches.

These crutches seem to be dominating my life at the moment. I went to the doctor a week and a half ago with pain in the ball of my foot. With great glee my parents had both told me it was probably gout and sure enough that was the doctor decided to test for. Though with a few reservations since I wasn't showing all of the key symptoms. She took a blood test and sent me home with instuctions to hobble on my heel until the results came a week later Taking into account my ridiculous history of knee and Achilles problems in that leg I decided to requisition the random pair of crutches that have been in our cupboard since before we moved in. I've now realised that crutches are nowhere near as fun as they look! I have bruised hands and forearms and every journey takes forever (seriously 20mins from the bus station to uni!). So I have spent a lot of the last week exhausted and miserable, especially since I came away from the second doctor's appointment without gout but also without a diagnosis so I'm juggling silly insurance paperwork now to see a specialist.
But in the last few days I have realised how much this is teaching me. I have amazing friends who take really slow journeys with me and carry my bag around even to places that they're not going to. Lucy, Hattie, Rob, James, Nora, Rebecca to name but a few. And I'm usually quite an independent person and hate relying on anyone for anything so learning to be gracious and humble about depending on people is proving quite a challenge but I think I'm getting there. And I'm very blessed by my friends who help completely willingly and without ever holding me indebted.
Even so not knowing what going on and fear of the thought of a neuroma (something wrong with the nerve) which the GP suggested as a possiblility and the treatment implications of that and the general stress and exhaustion I'm generally a little scared and all over the place.
Earlier this song came up on my spotify: 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

(Chorus)

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

(Chorus 2x's) 

Even though I feel like I'm walking (or hobbling) through storms, which though are nothing compared to what many people go through, often feel like they could pull me under, I have nothing to fear. My God is always there for me and my eternal life with Him is worth more than any pain or trial I could even conceive of. He will never let go of me, and my step on from relying on my friends is completely and utterly depending on Him. All my days I will sing His praises...wait that brings me to another song...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTBJlzNvVTE

The mega committee meeting

The CU committee spent approximately twelve hours at my house 9 days ago. In amongst 3 meals, epic amounts of snacks and many cups of tea:

TEAPOT!! WITH MATCHING MUGS! (Birthday present from my brother)

We planned out the year:

Year planner with whiteboard pens, this level of organisation makes me happy.

And they even did all the washing up for me, since I can't stand up properly at the moment. (see next post).

Matthew 28:18-20 ¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said,“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Belated Birthdayness

Hmm, not sure what happened to my blogging over the last couple of of weeks...oh yeah, I came back to London and term started. Oops. So the next few posts will be some updating.

It was my 21st last month and here is the dinner table with pretty sparkles :)

Look what my Grandma made! It's Psalm 23 entirely in handsewn tapestry, amazing!

My Parents bought me a Kenwood Chef (an epic Kitchen mixer), which kind of shows what sort of 21 year old I am.

Though it seems my sister had different ideas about what the most exciting part of the present was:

Dough hook = Pirate Hook

And yes, we can fit in the box...

 

London Celebrations with cocktails (the rest on Facebook):

I managed to remember to take a picture of the last and least interesting looking cocktail...

Coffee and Systematic Theology

Coffeeeee. I introduced Nicole to Mocha after she admitted the only coffee she'd drunk was instant Nescafe (with all the yumminess out there I thought this was unacceptable!). I also had my first cup of coffee in apparently long enough to make me talk at triple speed, seriously weird. Though it has only been two and a half weeks, so maybe I was just doing Caitlin hyperness, who knows.

In other news, I got stuck into this brick again today. Chapter 3 The Canon of Scripture (basically what's in the Bible and why), far more interesting than Chemistry revision!

So it turns out holidays full of revision don't have many photo opportunities...

Well the title says it all, zero photo opportunities. So I'm just randomly scribbling. 


 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY Gotye - Somebody that I used to know.


I have listened to this song a slightly ridiculous number of times in the last couple of days. Now I'm not usually one to write about my emotions on a public post, if you know me then I'm pretty much an open book anyway (as someone once put it, I don't so much wear my heart on my sleeve but on a big sign above my head), so what's the point. But I completely get the sentiment portrayed in this song (or what I think is the sentiment anyway).
When you're in a relationship you are completely wrapped into each other's lives, then it ends and you can become complete strangers. So many people say "we'll still be friends," but really you become at best acquaintances and at worst strangers. And I think that's really sad, just because you realised that you can't spend the rest of your life married to that person doesn't mean that you don't care about them and what happens to them. It's sad, you lose a friend as well.


So there, some of my thoughts. Anyone agree?

Easter at home

At home:

My siblings and my eggs - according to my mum they're appropriate for each of us.

Fionnuala (my sister)

Lorcan (my brother)

Me (apparently the family optimist...)

Smiley Pralines!

Good Friday

"Just as I am, without one plea,

But that thy blood was shed for me" 

Charlotte Elliott, 1835

 Another words post I'm afraid, and my brain has already gone to sleep, so forgive me if I'm very disjointed/don't make much sense.
Good Friday. A man named Jesus Christ was crucified. A man, who was innocent. A man, who was also God.
For all eternity there had been perfect love between God the Father and God the Son, yet on this day Jesus Christ, the son of God, was stripped, beaten and hung on a cross to die. At this point he was abandoned by everyone, including his heavenly Father. He took this punishment to bear the wrath of God, as an innocent man, so that we, sinful men wouldn't have to. So that if we believe in Him, none of the selfishness, lust, greed, anger, wrongdoing...or anything else will ever count against us. I can come to God Just as I am, and He will not judge me according to my deeds, but according to Christ's perfect sinlessness.
When thinking about this this evening, all I could say was "wow."

Credit to Minmin Toh for the photo of ICCU 2011, and Paul the Apostle for the Quote.

Musician Shout outs

Couple of shout outs to musical friends of mine:

http://www.youtube.com/user/nataliepowelluk Natalie Powell, really helped me in tough times.

http://www.youtube.com/user/fortyseven6/videos Emily Martin, using her talent to praise God

Maundy Thursday

I haven't taken any photos today, I have revised, eaten and debated abortion on Facebook with coursemates who I rarely actually speak to in real life...all very mundane considering today is Maundy Thursday. So I'm going to leave you with some others' words about what happened today nearly 2000 years ago.


"17 And when it was evening, he came with the twelve. 18 And as they were reclining at table and eating, Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me, one who is eating with me.” 19 They began to be sorrowful and to say to him one after another, “Is it I?” 20 He said to them, “It is one of the twelve, one who is dipping bread into the dish with me. 21 For the Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born.” 22 And as they were eating, he took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to them, and said, “Take; this is my body.” 23 And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, and they all drank of it. 24 And he said to them, “This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many. 25 Truly, I say to you, I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the kingdom of God.” 26 And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives. 27 And Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away, for it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.’ 28 But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” 29 Peter said to him, “Even though they all fall away, I will not.” 30 And Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” 31 But he said emphatically, “If I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And they all said the same. 32 And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33 And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. 34 And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.” 35 And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. 36 And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” 37 And he came and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter, “Simon, are you asleep? Could you not watch one hour? 38 Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 39 And again he went away and prayed, saying the same words. 40 And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were very heavy, and they did not know what to answer him. 41 And he came the third time and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? It is enough; the hour has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 42 Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.” 43 And immediately, while he was still speaking, Judas came, one of the twelve, and with him a crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the scribes and the elders. 44 Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “The one I will kiss is the man. Seize him and lead him away under guard.” 45 And when he came, he went up to him at once and said, “Rabbi!” And he kissed him. 46 And they laid hands on him and seized him. 47 But one of those who stood by drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear. 48 And Jesus said to them, “Have you come out as against a robber, with swords and clubs to capture me? 49 Day after day I was with you in the temple teaching, and you did not seize me. But let the Scriptures be fulfilled.” 50 And they all left him and fled." 51 And a young man followed him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. And they seized him, 52 but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked. 53 And they led Jesus to the high priest. And all the chief priests and the elders and the scribes came together. 54 And Peter had followed him at a distance, right into the courtyard of the high priest. And he was sitting with the guards and warming himself at the fire. 55 Now the chief priests and the whole Council were seeking testimony against Jesus to put him to death, but they found none. 56 For many bore false witness against him, but their testimony did not agree. 57 And some stood up and bore false witness against him, saying, 58 “We heard him say, ‘I will destroy this temple that is made with hands, and in three days I will build another, not made with hands.’” 59 Yet even about this their testimony did not agree. 60 And the high priest stood up in the midst and asked Jesus, “Have you no answer to make? What is it that these men testify against you?” 61 But he remained silent and made no answer. Again the high priest asked him, “Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?” 62 And Jesus said, “I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven.” 63 And the high priest tore his garments and said, “What further witnesses do we need? 64 You have heard his blasphemy. What is your decision?” And they all condemned him as deserving death. 65 And some began to spit on him and to cover his face and to strike him, saying to him, “Prophesy!” And the guards received him with blows. 66 And as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came, 67 and seeing Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with the Nazarene, Jesus.” 68 But he denied it, saying, “I neither know nor understand what you mean.” And he went out into the gateway and the cock crowed. 69 And the servant girl saw him and began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” 70 But again he denied it. And after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” 71 But he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know this man of whom you speak.” 72 And immediately the cock crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the cock crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept."
The Gospel according to Mark chapter 24, verses 17-72

Jesus instituted the Lord's Supper, or Holy Communion as many people know it, on this day, he then prayed in the Garden of Gethsemene and was ambushed and betrayed by one of his 12 closest friends. He was arrested, unfairly tried and condemned to death, and even his best friend wouldn't admit that he knew him. His only words, in answer to "Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?”: “I am, and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven.”
A lot happened on this day, but the lines of a hymn that I used to sing at Junior school stuck in my head before I believed anything about Jesus:
"There in the garden of tears,
My heavy load he chose to bear;
His heart with sorrow was torn,
'Yet not my will but yours,' he said." (I think by Graham Kendrick, not sure though)
Jesus didn't have to be found or arrested or endure that anything that happened over the next 24hours, but he chose to obey God, and bear our "heavy load."

I'll explain the rest of it tomorrow...and I know I said this wouldn't be a blog of words, but they're mostly not my words, and I don't have a picture of this and it's too important not to share.

Before and After

I'm afraid it's just my bedroom, nothing that exciting. I've spent today failing at revision then tidying.


Before


After
I know it doesn't look like much, but trust me, for me that's an achievement. And the bags in the corner were actually accidentally unpacked from storage after we moved back from the US, there is physically nowhere to put them!

I'll try and find something more exciting to post tomorrow, but currently my days seem to consist of work, facebook, food and a little (too much) tv...

Revision day 1

Day 1 of revision and I've already got ink on my shirt...expect a few more along this theme...

Disneyworld, Florida

This was our arrival at the Grand Floridian on Sunday 25/03/12, not a great picture of the hotel but I kind liked the light behind the tree thing. I'll put an album of the pictures from the whole holiday on Facebook at some point soon.

Backposting 3 24/02/12

5.20am
After a day/night of lab reporting, shopping with Lucy, James' party, packing and no sleep, waiting for the first Tube to Terminal 5...tube stations at this time are weird.


Some time during the next 12-20hrs (I'm honestly not sure when exactly) JFK airport
American airports are weird: this is a vending machine for iPods and iPads...yes seriously!

Backposting 2 23/02/12

Lucy and I waiting for the bus to James' party...she was trying to teach me how to use the camera settings but this was about the only usable picture that came out.


Lemons!!!! Lucy and Ezequiel...

Backposting 1 23/02/12

Dawn, one of my housemates declared Summer, there was a bright pink tank top in this ensemble, but she decided that she'd been a little premature and added the hoodie.